< random > [22 Oct 2004|05:15pm] "Maester Seymour always smells so nice!" I'm glad that that kid runs around smelling the Maester. < / random > 5 requiems| send me

"Busy ,,, little ... bee..." [23 Sep 2004|12:42pm] [ mood | accomplished ] I updated Pax Angoris - so any Seymour fans should go check it out. Also, I won't be posting any more of my site updates. You can find out what I've updated on my site on Mortiorchis. send me

Fertility Clinics [21 Sep 2004|04:04pm] [ mood | pensive ] Ah, yes. The September 27, 2004 issue of U.S. News' cover story was called "Miracle Babies: How science is helping childless couples beat the odds". Firstly, I'd like to start off with this: I know several people whom take the issue with child-birth and pregnancy very personally. If you feel that you may or may not get angry with what I have to say, then please, don't read it. I am in no way trying to pass judgement on you or make you feel bad. After reading this article, I have a few things to say about it... that's all. Now, after my tiny disclaimer, let us start, shall we? "Nature isn't fair. While men can father children in their golden years, the female biological clock is far less forgiving: The quality and quantity of a woman's eggs decline in her late 20s and fall off rapidly after age 35. By 40, her odds of conceiving are only about 5 percent per month." This is a sad, but true fact for us women who are starting our careers before getting hitched and making babies. For me, I currently do not want any children. Even if I were to marry tomorrow, I'd want to enjoy my mid-twenties with my husband and having fun. As for having children in the future? I can't say I will or I won't. I don't know. The future will tell. However, I believe that a woman's ability to bring life into this world is a precious gift. A gift directly from God. So, yes, if/when I marry a good, hard-working man who respects me before he falls for my body, I will have children. I think that part is inevitable, no matter how I feel at this particular moment. I am *honored* to be able to have children and to have such a lineage that produces mass fertility. Don't believe me? I have 10 aunts and uncles related directly to me. My grandparents each had five children. My brother and his wife have two beautiful children. I know for a given fact that I am as fertile as it gets. I forgot my estimated egg count, but I don't think my readers particularly care to know about that anyway. I do know, however, that I'm estimated to be very fertile until my 40th year. I am lucky. In this article, Anna Mulrine discusses the Sher institute in Las Vegas which helps couples who aren't as lucky as I am. They have embryos on ice, and they give the women drugs to increase the chances of a successful insemination. However, science isn't perfect, and most people will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on unsuccessful projects. I can't imagine their pain. I've never had the desire to have a child of my own. Perhaps it is because I know that it is a distinct possibility in my future. But the fact that these couples cannot have their own child... I give them nothing but my sympathies. Everything, however, happens for a reason. Statistics say: "In America today, 1 in 100 babies is bornm through infertility treatments, and the demand for such procedures keeps growing." Now, why do you think that is? Women today verses even ten years ago are becoming more career oriented and highy feminist. I don't blame them. Even I'm pretty feminist in some respects. However, I will have to check with a good friend of mine who keeps up on this stuff more than I do - there is a difference between a feminist and something else... let's say... an extremist? Feminists believe that men and women should have equal rights. I support that. I do not, however, support abortion or any of that other bull shit that is associated with feminists today. Another argument is that it should be a woman's choice whether or not to have a child and when to have it. Yes, it is your choice. But if you engage in pre-marital sex of any kind, you should recognize that even with birth control and condoms, nature finds a way. The best way to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy and STDs? ABSTINENCE. Yes, that means NO SEX. It's not that hard. If you really need to get your rocks off? Buy a vibrator. Seraphim wrote a very good article which you can read here, and I will use some of his points to argue in this next selection. "There are much more significant benefits, as there are conversely much more disastrous effects for those who abort their own children, including drastically decreased fertility and a highly increased chance of breast and ovarian cancer. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that messing with nature may bring some serious side effects." I know a girl who is very close to my heart... who probably won't be able to bear children in the future. It will kill her. My heart goes out to her and I hope that she will be able to forgive herself and love herself as I love her. It hurts her. And I feel for her, I truly do. I can't understand how she feels, but I sure as hell can listen and love her unconditionally. Messing with nature does strike "serious side effects". Some of you may or may not know, but I was raped two years ago. I would never wish anyone, man or woman, to go through what I did. Of course, after my rape, the possibility of pregnancy came up. Thankfully, I was not. But that didn't stop me from thinking the plethora of "what ifs" that still haunt me. I'd have a child just over a year old by now. One year and seven months. What if I had given him/her up for adoption? What if I had kept the child? How would my life be right now? Where would I be? Where would my prospective child be? When I was told of the possibility that I was indeed with child, I struggled with that thought. 20 years old and having a baby? My mom was younger, but I was still in school. I was trying to make something of myself. What would have happened? I realized that I was being selfish. What of my prospective unborn baby? I thought of a story at that moment. A woman, whom doctors warned to never get pregnant because it would endanger her life and her child would be deformed and demented, gave birth to a healthy baby boy. That boy was Beethoven. That's when I came to my resolve: whatever happened, I was not going to abort my prospective child. Sure, it wasn't by my choice that I was raped. It wasn't my choice to have a child. By the grace of God, I didn't carry my rapist's baby. However, since when should a child get punished with death because I wasn't prepared/I didn't want to have sex? Pro-choice activists claim, as well as the law in most states, that an embryo is not yet living. It's not a human. I ask, then, if it's not a human life, what is it? Just cells with no soul? How about this, then? "On a tangentially related note, we live on a lake of sorts, on which there resides a number of Canadian geese. These creatures, which are on the federal endangered species lists, have been raising families in our back yard for a few years. This year, however, there are only two families because some neighbors behind us went and collected most of the eggs before they could hatch (goose feces is not very healthy to have in one’s lawn). "Two points: 1) The act of harvesting those eggs, of killing those baby geese was illegal, punishable by a hefty fine and possible imprisonment. It was a federal offense. Killing human babies in a similar state of development is funded by the same federal government. 2) The mother of those babies put up a ferocious fight and remains to this day on the site of her raped nest, periodically honking at the moon in desolation. Among humans, however, there are those, like some students at U of M, who believe every woman should get at least one abortion to realize it is no big deal." But why is it illegal to kill the Geese's unborn babies? They're just eggs, right? With no life and no soul... Just a gathering of cells. They're not geese yet. Humans are made of just that. Cells. Millions of them. Each cell contains thousands of strands of DNA, the fingerprint of life. But it's not alive. Even though it has the beginning cells holding a future life's DNA and the start of what will eventually be millions of cells holding those fingerprints that make us move and look the way that we do. But no... it's not alive, is it? On another note: Yes, the story I told is true. I was raped. If you are a rape victim who reads this - don't be afraid to talk to me. I am a survivor. And you are not alone. You are never alone. Statistics say that 1 in every 5 women you know has been sexually assulted. Sadly, more than 75% of the girls I've met in my life have been victims. It's a heinous crime and it takes a lot to heal from such a monstrosity. Forgive the spelling errors/typos I have in this rant... I get pretty emotional when I start thinking about these things. Lastly, I want to bring attention to something that is sadly over-looked. The man. Where does the man fit in the equation? Girlfriends who abort their boyfriend's child without talking to the man first... that's aweful. That's vindictive. What if the man wants a child? What if the man doesn't? Adoption. There are thousands of American couples who can't have their own children. By killing your unborn baby, you're taking away not only a life, but the chance of giving two people a reason to live. Yes, yes... there are too many stupid people breeding. But for those of us who have a shred of intelligence, don't you think it'd be a good idea to have a baby? To raise a child and make a difference in the world? You may not see it that way, but it's like an old, classical mosaic. Mosaics in the classical world are now missing several small pieces, making the beautiful peice of artwork incomplete. If the world was a mosaic, and each child and person was a piece of that, can you think of how many pieces would be missing? 22 requiems| send me

Rar [20 Sep 2004|03:36pm] [ mood | hungry ] I'm not fond of the way my eye doc's office does things. Their labs, where they get their glasses made, are on a weird ass schedule. If I get my reading glasses today, they won't be in until after 4:30. Um... what about morning deliveries? This throws my schedule for the day way off balance. Oh well. Maya's mom is making Taco salad today - and hot damn that is good stuff. I'm going to steal the recipie from her... because I luffs it. The new RP is starting out well. Maya and I pimped it out last night. I'll actually be able to rp with intelligent people. Yay for practice writing! Hm. I'm still considering ordering another domain. If I do, Auron-chickie is going to help me make a blog for it! Yay! I think I'll use that for some cliques and hosting. So perhaps some of my websites on brNET will get moved. I'll probably use brNET for a Final Fantasy collective. bORG will be used for other stuff. Dunno, yet. Considering it. It would be cool to have two domains. That'd be a hell of a lot of space though. Ananova.com is a great news source. It was introduced to my by Seraphim - and their quirkies... are hilarious. Go check it out. It's very unbiased. I like it. Hm. I'm hungry. Taco salad... mmm.... 1 requiem| send me

Oh, the drama. [19 Sep 2004|12:14am] [ mood | grumpy ] I now know why the admins on FFO got so bitchy. The absolute idiocy they have to deal with must be... ten times the amount that the admins and mods just had to deal with on FFS. I'm getting sick of LJ. ~sigh~ No one, except the obvious, really gives a shit about what I have to say. I'm considering turning this into a friends only journal. I'm worried about Seraphim. I'm thinking his computer just happened to go caput, because he was complaining about it malfunctioning a lot. I hope that's all it is. >.>; I still need to go down to the MSU bookstore and see if there are some text books for Romanian I can buy. The self-teaching book I have just... well... sucks. I'm also going to try and write some Latin. Perhaps some songs, but I don't really know. I'm not that great on the keyboard and I don't have an instrument to play on. I really miss having a clarinet... I'd give anything to be able to play it again. 5 requiems| send me

This sorta freaks me out [17 Sep 2004|10:46pm] [ mood | surprised ] You're a "Green Angel". You're one person who is extremely protective of people around you (especially your friends) and you'd end up as a gaudian angel. You're stronger than most and aren't ashamed to show it. People know how tough you are and don't dare to mess with you when you get mad. You're real close with your friends and couldn't live wihout them so even in heaven, you want to help them. You know they'd want you as a gaudian angel and you'd love to be able to ensure safety of your friends for yourself because you're on of those "If you want something done right, do it yourself" kind of person. (If you cannot see the picture, go to my homepage and scroll down near the bottom. I have the results from all my quizess that have pics) What Color Angel Are You? (PICS) brought to you by Quizilla Any of those who know me in real life... will know that this fits me like a glove. send me

Bored and Hungry [17 Sep 2004|03:19pm] [ mood | hungry ] I have absolutely no ambition to work on my webpage today. I thought about it and decided I'm going to take a break from it. I'll probably do a lot of it this weekend, though. Pax Angoris and Back Off! will be the first, then Hug Seymour and brNET's home. I don't know if I'll update Seraph's Wrath. I have hardly any content and the fact that AC is taking butt-fucking forever to come out has discouraged me from working on it. This sort of angers me, too... because I used to have so many freaking Sephiroth images... and now, I don't. I should try to find them again. I'm sure their around the apartment somewhere. I could get them online, I'd just have to use my old IBM... I hate that piece of shit. I'm thinking about making another layout for brNET. I like the one I have but for some reason, it just... bugs me. I'll try again when I have a greater desire to do more layouts. I'm also going to make an archive of past layouts... mostly for my benefit. That way I can study and see my improvements on web-design. send me

The Stupidity of People... [16 Sep 2004|01:27pm] [ mood | amused ] The idiocy of people never ceases to amaze me. I seem to be having to deal with a lot of that recently. It started out today when I went to admiral... a guy, who was obviously trying to impress me said "Nice car". I thanked him and started walking inside to pay for my gas. I walked back out and he said "So what kind of car is it?" What kind of car is it? Are you an idiot? You're a resident of Lansing, where the Grand Am is made, and there are about 20,000 GAs in this city alone... and you *don't* know why kind of car it is? The other thing. He had a Michigan liscence plate... so I'm assuming that he was, indeed, a Lansing resident... even if he wasn't, how can you live in Michigan and not know what a Grand Am is? It's Pontiac's top selling car! It's the top selling car in the state of Michigan right now! (Until Pontiac discontinues them after this year, which I think is stupid... but that's a whole different aspect of stupidity). Even across the country, there are dozens of Grand Am clubs - enthusiast clubs. I'm a member of two of them. I've gone to meets. So, what kind of car is that again? This brings me to another story. When I went to go look for my new pretty baby. I was at Sawyer's Pontiac... and... lo' and behold... a salesman approached me and asked if I was looking for something. I told him I wanted to test drive an '04 Grand Am GT. So what did he do? Asked me if I wanted a v-4 or a v-6 engine. ...... For those that don't know - GA GTs are automatically equipped with a V-6. Then he said "okay, you'll want a GT then"... NO SHIT. He tried telling me about the engine. I finished his sentence for him. 3400 series SFI. He told me the '05 will have the 3500 series. I said "I know". ......just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I don't know what engine is under the hood of my favorite car...... Which brings me, finally to this: a few days ago, I went out to put washer fluid in my car. While I was at it, I figured I'd check the oil. Two guys were walking out into the parking lot. I saw them look at me, look at each other and say something. I'm thinking "Oh, God"... sure enough, I start checking my oil and one of them says "Excuse me... do you need help?" ...... HELP....? I'm checking my oil! I said "No, I think I can handle checking my oil." They drove off without another word. Sure, I bet they were trying to be nice... but, damn. Automatically see a girl - in a parking lot - with the hood of her car open and that means she needs help? Granted, if my car wasn't starting, yes, I'd need help. I'm *no* mechanic. But I do know some basics. I just thought that last story was funny. Lastly - A very big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Heather! The old fart's 22 now, so go wish her a happy birthday here. 1 requiem| send me

I. Am. An. Idiot. [16 Sep 2004|12:31am] [ mood | STUPID ] Okay, we all know Anima - the grand summon of FFX - Seymour's mother. We also know that I adore Seymour. And Anima (oh, the power of that aeon...)... HOW ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH COULD I MISS SUCH AN IMPORTANT DETAIL???!!! Thank you, Auron-Chickie for bringing this to my attention. Anima. The aeon. Think of her appearance - the portrait of Seymour's mother that hangs. Does it remind you of anything? Anyone? It reminds me of something. The Virgin Mary. What about the blood tears? Statue Stigmata, anyone???? Seymour: trying to save the world by destroying it - he has a MAJOR messiah complex... Connection? HOLY HELL. Boy do I feel like an ass for completely overlooking that. EDIT: just so people know, I am in *no* way comparing the crazy-ass Seymour to the son of God. I'm just throwing this in because it has significant religious symbolism. send me

50+ things I love [15 Sep 2004|05:54pm] [ mood | cheerful ] I stole this from the walking dictionary, aka, Seraphim who stole it from someone else. Aeneid (Latin) Adema Amy Tan Angels Animals Art Asian Customs Auron-Chickie Autumn Baking Bass clarinets Baths Bebee! (lol aka, Maya) Being silly Boondock Saints (the movie) Brownies Cafes Carmina Burana Castlevania games (yay for bad voice acting!) Coffee Colors Complex Plots (stories, games... etc) Conversations (good, of course) Cookies! Drawing Dogs (I have favorite breeds - German Shepherds, Doberman Pincers and Golden Retrievers) Doodles Europe Evanescence Eucalyptus - spider ward! Final Fantasy Friends Fruit Game Soundtracks (I have way too many) God Grand Ams >D Greek and Roman myth Hamlet Hans Zimmer (AMAZING composer) Happiness HEDDER! Hojo-Chickie Horseback Riding Horses Japanese Joaquin Phoenix Jokes Last Samurai, The LATIN! Lavender Legend of Zelda - (Those games *never* get dull) MacBeth Metamorphosis, The -Ovid Music Movies - watching them with friends - making fun of stupid ones! Movie soundtracks Music My name - tis Latin, you know. And worthy of me. >D Mythology Pontiacs Prayers Romans - history, literature, myth... everything Romania and Romanian (trying to learn it) Singing Songs - good lyrics, good sound... I have a wide taste Stars - gazing, the heavens, the night sky... etc... Swimming Walks Warm days Weight lifting/working out Writing Winter - sometimes ^~ Okay... those are things that I love... that I could think of. I didn't count, so I really don't know how many there are. send me

.....~grumble~ [14 Sep 2004|03:38pm] [ mood | blah ] I have to get my eyes dilated. I don't want to. My appointment is in Jackson, which sucks because I hate Jackson. That's a long, boring drive. And I can't drive because of the dilation. If I could drive, I wouldn't be so annoyed. Although I think part of it is that I don't feel like going *anywhere* today. I feel so down. Don't know why. But this is funny. Gee golly, Batman... your butt looks like a pair of pliers! 2 requiems| send me

[14 Sep 2004|01:50am] Labeled: Crazy/Unsafe Driver 1 requiem| send me

mmmmmmmmmmmmmrar [14 Sep 2004|12:11am] [ mood | busy ] brNET's going to get cleaned up on the next update. I'm getting rid of grandammit and the me shrine... simply because I can put all that information on brNET's main page. As for grandammit... maybe I'll pick it up again if I could get some... appreciation out of doing it. Imperator's vanishing... because I really don't care. I'll probably keep the rat section... but I have to build it and I'm lazy. So it's getting put on hold. What I'll be adding, however: Hug Seymour - A clique to hug that crazy-ass bitch from FFX. Bitch - A Tifa Shrine FFVII Walkthrough: Just Kidding - an FAQ for FFVII... I plan to make fun of the retards who have trouble understanding the plot and/or how to beat the game... including the WEAPONS. Pen and Paper - Shika's collection of anime art and what not. send me

Rar [12 Sep 2004|05:43pm] [ mood | bouncy ] I attempted another layout. Click to view. The winner...? I'm happier with this one than any of the others... so I might very well use this or try it again... as I seem to get better with every pretty made. >D I used brushes from 1GE.net and Echoica. So a VERY special THANK YOU goes out to those two sites for their brushes and letting me use them to make pretties. TEH KEWL. Oh. Don't steal from their site... in other words... if you d/l brushes... give them credit... ;_; it's really mean to not give proper credit! Other than that... I attempted another back off layout, but I hated it. I need a really cool picture of Sephiroth. I was thinking about drawing a chibi Sephiroth with a few heads in his hand. :3 What think you??? As for Seraph's Wrath... I don't friggin' know. brNET is probably going to end up with no background picture at all... I'll just use all my pretty new brushes!!!! send me

New PA layout? [12 Sep 2004|12:13am] [ mood | creative ] Posting it in an LJ cut. I HATE the first two. They just... I don't know, are too blah. The third one is the one I'm considering using... but I'm going to try and make another one or two, as well. So, cast your vote! Should I keep trying or do you really like a particular one? ( Pax Angoris -- three trial layouts ) 1 requiem| send me

vwee hee hee [11 Sep 2004|03:06pm] [ mood | rejuvenated ] After my little rant yesterday, Hojo-chickie gave me a... evil idea. Because of recent events, I'm going to take *every* essay written by *that* bitch and tear it apart. ^__^ send me

HA HA! [10 Sep 2004|09:21pm] [ mood | annoyed ] Thank you, Playboy... women need this. < / sarcasm > I guess real women are starting to not be good enough? Whatever the reason, you have to think about the sort of effect this is going to have on men and women... My reply? Maybe I should collect the nude art of male video game characters and slap that shit in a magazine. Either way, it's a man's world. This just bugs me. Enjoy the icon I used for this post. I find it... fitting. send me

< rant > [10 Sep 2004|08:55pm] [ mood | cynical ] People who get up on little soapboxes bug me. Especially when they feel they have bragging rights to something which they really don't. I need to start drawing again. I haven't picked up a pencil in months. Just this year, though, I've found myself rather disgusted with my artwork. Nothing I draw satisfies me in the least. And I'm sick of it. I feel like I'm failing. It doesn't help a whole lot that I can't seem to draw a simple design. It's like... all my creativity comes and goes as swiftly as it did last night, right as I started and finished writing that little short story. Looking back at it now, I'm not even all that impressed with it. Do I just have standards too high??? UGH. I just want to shoot something. < / rant > 2 requiems| send me

< random > [10 Sep 2004|01:21am] "I hath gone forth, my lady, and -- forsooth -- I didst piddle with much flare." < / random > 1 requiem| send me

o_o [10 Sep 2004|12:49am] [ mood | annoyed ] I just wrote a HUGE application for a friend's RP. I sent it in only to realize that the "trial" rp post was supposed to be in first person. If I don't get accepted because of that I'm going to shoot someone. I was going to rewrite it in first person, but then after looking it over, the way I wrote it would have been... not as effective in 1st vs. 3rd. ~.~; I was impressed with it... and that's shocking seeing that I'm rarely impressed with my own writing. If you'd wish to see the application... check it out in the lj cut below. ... the cool part is the "trial" post I made... a short story which ended up longer than it was supposed to be. It's great to rp a character like Adrian (Alucard)... because he's so torn and twisted. And he's pretty fucked up. LoL Oh well... x.x;;; If I don't get accepted, I'll just have to start my own damn community. And it'll be the way *I* want it to be. Why do I care? Because a muse visited me at that particular moment... and I won't let that little short story be wasted. It was DAMN good. At least, I thought so. Blah. < / complaining > ( the short Adrian fic-thing... R for suggestiveness and vampire's fucked up thoughts ) send me

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